Help me Understand the Puzzles in My Hand
Go ahead. Be the person who doesn’t take responsibility. You remember what that’s like: disappointing friends, alienating your loved ones, moving into isolation.
Okay, be removed. Remove yourself from that which brings you pure joy and contentment. It’s still strong in your memory so re-play that clip–the times you longed for something more and wanted to turn back.
Go on! Satisfy your desires and find some temporary pleasure. Going backwards is always an option.
Whatever it is that you’re feeling now, you won’t be feeling that while you’re high and out of touch.
Just do it! You only live once right? Why not reward yourself for doing well. You deserve it.
Come on… you’re going through a rough patch. It won’t get any easier so you might as well have some fun in the meantime. Who would know anyway?
Yes, I could do that. I could throw away my progress and dive into the ocean of oblivion. I could run from myself, just float above for a while and turn a callous ear to conscience. I might even enjoy myself for a moment. I could do that. . .
We are not cured of alcoholism (or drug addiction). What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
–Big Book, Chapter 6
Awww Kent! The feeling is completely mutual. I have some new ideas of something we can work on together–a nagging melody to a very cacophonic, dark aria. Perhaps part of something bigger?
Glad to be orbitting Planet Kent as well.
John
It’s 3:30 a.m., and I can’t sleep. Perhaps struggling with the same “I could do that” issues (and gnawing knee pain, of course), but need to tell you how grateful I am to know you. Your depth and honesty of soul is humbling to me … Old Soul! Although our friendship is still young, I pray to learn much along the way. Thanks for bringing me into your orbit!
Mom,
I am feeling better today. Yesterday was a hard day. I was struggling. But it was a good reminder that I am still an addict and that I need that daily reprieve–24 hours.
Thank you for checking in. I love you too.
John
We can all do anything we want to do. That is what free will is all about, right? But do we ever stop and ask ourselves, “Is it worth it?” Is a few moments of pleasure worth losing our respect, self worth, relationships, jobs, health, the joy of saying no to what we know is not in our best interest, the progress and pain that we have gone through, the pain and heartache that we bring to those that love us, and to fall out of our relationship with God? I know it is not.
Jesus could have made the choice of not going to the cross but He took everything that we have done wrong and had it cast upon Himself so that we could have eternal life. Yes we all make choices every moment of the day. One bad choice can change our lives forever as well as one good choice.
Keep up the good work, Ron. You will never regret the choice of being clean and sober.
I love you.
Mom