Prodigal Foreword

FOREWORD

Dear Kent,

It has been a long road, getting to the place we are sitting today.  The fact that I am know you, that I am comfortable enough to sit in this room with everyone here; to air “my dirty laundry,” to be comfortable in my own skin; to feel lovable and know I am loved; to let you and these people see me for who I am–all of this is nothing short of miraculous for me.

Growing up in the South I internalized so much self-loathing, shame, guilt and confusion.  It’s no wonder that when my parents divorced, I thought it was my fault.  After all, I was the boy with a secret.  I stuffed my feelings of unworthiness and more pronounced feelings of disgust and self-annihilation.  I don’t know if my family will ever accept me as I am.  I wish they could experience this with me.  I wish they could witness the care that God–my Higher Power, is showing in each circumstance and corresponding acts of Grace.

“Who am I to be so blessed?”  A still small voice answers, “Who are you not to be?”  I have struggled my entire life with feeling less than other people.  Like a son called for dinner, I have always just wanted a place at the table.  Amid the circumstances, the still small voice did validate me, did listen to me when I cried myself to sleep, did grieve with me when I hurt and when I hurt others.  That little voice led me to where I am today.  I am so overwhelmed with gratitude as I see you sitting across the table with me.  I think of the wonderful friends–my tribe–that has been called together–at this time, in this city.  Against all odds I sit here, without shame and without blame, taking responsibility for my life and my well-being for the first time in my life.  A burden is being lifted from my shoulders–what extreme joy I have begun to experience.  I am being freed from the shame that has bound me my entire life.  I cannot express in words what a marvelous relief this is.

“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”

As I write this a new freedom cascades over me like a waterfall over a cliff.  I do not yet fully understand the ways in which this is changing my perception or the neural pathways of my brain.  I know it is good–very good.

You are such an amazing person–gifted, generous and loving.  I do believe we attract people into our lives who are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.  Imagine my surprise to look at you and see the extraordinary person looking back.

Although was have only known one another for less than a year, you have demonstrated to me the unconditional love and acceptance I have always thought was possible but dared not believe.  You have been here for me through good times and bad, never wavering in your commitment to me as your friend and confidant.  You have never once judged me but always outstretched your hand or extended your arm for support.

I am still astounded that there is such a thing as unconditional love.  I remember crying myself to sleep at night–as an eight year old boy–hoping against hope that Whatever was out there–it knew my heart and carried my burden too.

I am not yet out of the woods but the Son is breaking through the trees and One by One there are people appearing in my periphery.  They have smiles on their faces.  They have joy in their eyes.  They too have been wandering in the wilderness and have craved companionship, warmth and genuine affection.  They are noble creatures.  They are tall and growing in stature.  They have a slow deliberate pace as we approach the edge of the forest.  There are no words spoken between us–yet the content exchanged without speaking could fill a library in an instant.

I am speechless.

I am humbled.

We are being delivered.

There will be hard times ahead and only time will tell the story.  But this I know…

“High or low, thinkable or unthinkable–
Absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God
Because of the way Our Master has embraced us.”