I don’t have the words to describe the joy that has come into my heart and my life recently.  I feel incredible warmth from my toes to the top of my head.  There is a gentle humming that runs from my heart to my brain.  There is equanimity in my body.  I am very well.

I did not know this feeling existed.  The only other time I remember feeling this way was when I was 4 years old.  I have these soft recollections of lying on a bed, drifting in and out of sleep, smelling the Fried Chicken my grandmother was making in the other room–so safe, so warm, so content.

Moments of bliss–I wouldn’t call it happiness.  It’s sweeter than happiness–it’s joy.

I feel held in God’s embrace.  I know that I am worthy because I am a child of God–and for no other reason.

I don’t worry that the feeling will pass.  I know it will.  But it will return again and again.  I know how to call it forward.  I take care of my body.  I eat whole foods.  I make a contribution in the world.  I try my best not to be an asshole.  I pray.  I meditate.

Yoga has made such a difference in my life and my recovery.

But more than that… I am experiencing more joy than I ever have.  I find myself smiling for no reason.  I like being with friends but I also like being home alone–to hear the silence and wrap myself inside it.  Silence is a beautiful thing.  I notice my brain is not whirling… it’s humming… or perhaps even purring.

This recovery thing… this yoga thing… this new life… it’s so much more than I could have imagined.  I am very grateful tonight.  And although I am alone… I don’t feel lonely.  I have finally begun to enjoy my own company.